The next morning, I showed up at their door with all my belongings.
The dad greeted me at the door. "You didn't have to bring gifts."
I said, "Get out of my way. None of these are for you."
I unpacked my bags and showed him each item.
"This is a hammer and nails, for cracking skulls. I heard human skulls are pretty tough, so I might need to pulverize them. Makes them easier to pack. This is a saw, for dismemberment. They always use chainsaws in movies, but I think those are too noisy. Manual is better. And this is a body bag..."
I said, "I was planning on dismembering your whole family, you know. It took a lot of effort to get all this stuff. Just thought I'd show you my toys."
"Huh?"
I sat down at the dining table, popped a sesame ball into my mouth, and took a sip of soy milk. "But don't worry, I'm not interested in killing anyone right now."
The dad breathed a sigh of relief. Then I added, "And I won't be freeloading. I'll be sure to repay your kindness."
Just then, a scream came from the doorway.
The mother and son had woken up and seen me. They looked like they'd seen a ghost.
"You! You! You!" the mom shrieked, pointing at me. "How did you get in here? Honey!"
The kid dove behind the couch, whimpering, "Don't hit me! Don't hit me!"

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