Arwen halted when she heard him say that. She opened her eyes and pulled away a little just to look at his face.
Aiden also shifted and stared into her eyes, nodding and confirming his words. "I know that you were drugged." But he didn’t let her assume things on her own. Just when he saw her pulling away, he held her and tugged her back, keeping her grounded to herself.
"Let go of me. I —"
"Don’t rush, Moon. Hear me out first," Aiden said, his voice strained with an emotion that was hard to express. "Yes, I know that you were drugged, but this isn’t something I knew from the beginning."
She stopped struggling in his grasp. And he nodded to her, explaining.
"I knew it only later, when Jason put you through a few tests. And even without knowing it, I never blamed you. I never hated you. If I hated someone, I hated myself for leaving you alone through the phase in which you needed me the most."
"I didn’t marry you out of pity, Moon. I married you because without you, my life was pitiful. I can’t imagine my life or the world where you aren’t there. So, no, our marriage was never anything but my need —need to make this world a living place for me. Don’t think it otherwise, please. It breaks me when you do that."
Arwen didn’t respond to his words. But her eyes conveyed all her emotions.
They stared at each other for a while before Arwen asked, "Why didn’t you tell me at all?"
Since he already knew it, he couldn’t have told her. Why did he have to hide it from her?
Didn’t she deserve to know it all?
"You knew it all along, yet you hid it from me. Why?" she asked again as though that thought was twisting something painfully inside her. "Was it fun to see me so clueless around you?"
Aiden shook his head, almost immediately in response to her word. "It was heartbreaking," he said, his voice laced with a heavy emotion. "It was so heartbreaking that I wanted to burn the world just to find that one person who did that to you. I wanted to find him and then torture him a thousandfold for what we were suffering. You were suffering. But I couldn’t come and tell you."
"Not because I didn’t want to," he paused only to continue again, "but because I couldn’t dare to."
Arwen gazed at him, and he explained further. "The drug in your system wasn’t a simple one. It carries a threat —a threat that we are unsure about. We can’t trigger any of the memories that you have forgotten. Or else, your memories along with your life would be at risk."
"But that drug is no longer in my body system, it has been neutralized and —"
Before she could finish, Aiden cut in. "It might be neutralized, but the threat remains. The drug was incomplete, and no one knows the real effects it could cause."
"But —"
"Moon," Aiden interrupted her, knowing what she was trying to say. He would never agree to it. "I can risk anything in this world, but you. You are too precious to me. I can survive this world with you, even if you forget me again completely. But I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist."
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