Psycho - Headless Horsemen MC novel Chapter 41

- Harley -

"Harley?... Harley?... Harley just say something... Come on Harlz", the world Harlz snaps me out of my little numb world, my eyes snap up to meet a watery pair owned by Gunner "Hmmm" I hum quietly in response, I look to the right of him and see Shelby, her eyes are red and puffy as well as her nose from crying. I look back to Gunner who is still looking at me with worry apparent on his face, "The doctors want you to eat, you cant keep starving yourself. Even just a biscuit or something" I huff and lay back on the bed, "I'm not hungry" I mumble under my breath.

Gunner sighs loudly clearly frustrated with me, I would be too it's been like this since I woke up. No appetite, can't keep anything but water and juice down, I'm just not hungry. "Jesus Harley it's been 5 days you need to eat or they will have to force-feed you!" I sit upon my bed and stare Gunner down if looks could kill he would be long gone, "I'm not hungry" I say in the calmest voice I can manage.

"Just fucking eat something Harlz, you need to get better and you won't get better if you just sit in bed and mope around all fucking day, I know you lost your baby girl but you need to fucking get your shit together!" As soon as he finished his sentence he knew he had pushed it too far with me, "Get out Shelby" I say in a shaky voice. "Harley ple-" I cut her off, "GET OUT SHELBY NOW" I growl at her thankfully that's all it takes for her to leave the room, I turn my attention back to Gunner who is standing dead still.

"You" I point at him, I begin to slowly get out of the hospital bed and my body begins to shake, I don't know if it's from my anger or the lack of energy I have. "You have no fucking idea what I'm fucking dealing with right now, you have no idea how it feels to wake up to have an emptiness inside you. You don't know heartbreak until you lose something you have grown yourself. I never got to say goodbye to her, I never got to experience being a mother, I never got to hold my baby, I never got to kiss my baby. I was robbed of being a mother and the worst part is? I deserve it, I deserve it so much worse than what it is, because I ripped people away from their friends and family, this is my own fault, this is on me" by the end of my mental breakdown my voice had become broken and shaky and tears were flooding my face.

Gunners face was twisted in pain and tears threatened to escape his glassy eyes, I swallow the lump in my throat and take a deep breath "Please give me some time alone" I say softly before wiping the tears from my cheeks, "Harlz I'm so fucking sorry you know I nev-", "Fucking please Gunner I just need time to be alone right now" I reply quickly as the lump in my throat begins to emerge again, he nods his head and pulls me in for a hug, he hugs me tightly before quickly leaving the room. As soon as the door closes behind him I lock the door and lean my back against it.

Deep breaths Harley deep breaths I remind myself but it's no use, the tears come flooding back and there's no stopping them now. I slide down the door and sit on the floor, I pull my knees into my chest and bury my head inbetween, and I just sit there a cry and cry and cry for how long? I'm not sure but at the end of it, I had no tears left to cry.

I get myself off the floor and unlock the door before making my way to the bathroom, I walk in and flick on the light the brightness stinging my sore eyes, I turn and look at myself in the mirror. I've seen myself bruised, beaten and bloodied but never like this, I don't recognise the person standing before me, the deep sunken eyes, the frail-looking body, the matted hair I look like shit, to say the least. Maybe a shower will do me some good.

I get into the shower and turn the water on, I stand under the water and watch the dried blood wash off my body, I look around and see that someone had brought my toiletries from the clubhouse, a small smile spread across my lips when I realised there was also a mixture of Jax's stuff in here. He's been so amazing through all of this, so tentative and caring, doesn't push me to eat or drink, I couldn't have asked for a better man to have by my side.

I haven't seen him in 3 days he's out looking for whoever crashed into me. I dig through the bag and grab out my shampoo and conditioner and Jax's body wash, one of my favourite smells. I wash my hair and brush out all the knots before washing my body and brushing my teeth. I get out of the shower and quickly scan over myself, I trace my fingers over the bruises and cuts on my stomach, a cold shiver travels up my spine as memories of the accident become more clear to me, the sound of metal colliding and crunching together, the sound of tyres screeching, the sound of glass shattering, the overwhelming smell of fuel, the heat of the fire, everything.

Half an hour later, 3 cigarettes and one large coffee down we are pulled out of our chat by the doctor's pager going off, "Looks like I'm needed in NICU, oh would you look at that you drank your whole coffee too! What a good girl" He says in baby talk while patting my head, I swat his hand away and stand up as we make our way back inside the hospital, "Thank you sir" I say before giving him a quick hug, he looks shocked at me at first but then smiles, "May I ask why?" he replies to me, "Because you're the second person to not treat me like I'm some broken and fragile doll" He smiles and pats my shoulder, "You're much stronger than you think you are Harley, remember that as long as you remember how strong you are it doesn't matter how others view you, prove them wrong, prove them how much of a warrior you are" He smiles one more time and squeezes my shoulder before making his way down the hallway towards NICU unit. I turn around on my heels and make my way towards my ward.

I begin to walk down the hallway making sure to keep an eye out for anyone familiar, I'm not ready to see anyone unless its Jax. I make it to my door safely, success! I open my door and search for the light switch when I'm dragged in by my arm, my leg's give out from underneath me but I'm caught by a different pair of arms, "What the fuck?" I mumble to myself, the lights turn on and I close my eyes quickly so it doesn't feel like I'm being blinded by the sun itself, I look up to who has a hold of me and I see Jax, he smiles while I see him and I can't help but smile back at him, I look over to who tried to drag me into the room and see a guilty looking Gunner.

"Should I ask?" I question them, "No" they both reply in unison. I nod my head and stand up straight again, Jax moves behind me and wraps his arms around me, "It's simple really kitten, I'm sick of seeing you in here getting worse and worse. So I am stealing you and bringing you home" he says with a kiss on my cheek, "Have you talked to the doctors?" I ask him "Mmhmm" He replies as he kisses up and down my neck, "Have you actually talked to the doctors?" I ask again "Yes kitten" he replies once again.

"If you two don't stop I'm going to throw up" I hear Gunner say, I turn my attention towards him and smile sweetly at him, "Okay giggly poo" Jax replies before I have the chance, I try to hide my laughter but fail miserably at it, "Ok ok can we just go now?" He asks quietly holding the two bags we have, "Ready kitten?" Jax asks looking down at me, I look up to him and nod my head "Ready".