The Unwanted Wife and Her Secret Twins (Mia and Kyle) novel Chapter 439

Mia's POV

The table goes silent.

Every adult freezes.

Madison's hand grips my arm. "Mommy, what's sex life?"

Oh God.

"It's—" I start.

"I know!" Alexander announces. He's still standing on his chair. "It's when grown-ups use very BIG voices to say 'GOOD' to each other!"

Ethan nods seriously. "Very loud. We hear it sometimes when Uncle Morton visits Aunt Scarlett."

"HEARD," Morton corrects, his face now the color of the tomatoes in the burrata. "Past tense. That doesn't—we don't—"

"And sometimes they say 'OH GOD,'" Madison adds helpfully. "Like they're praying. Very loudly."

Thomas chokes on his prosecco.

"We understand grown-up stuff," Alexander continues proudly. "We're very mature."

My head is pounding. This is not happening. This cannot be happening.

"Sweethearts," I say carefully. "That's not—"

"Yes it is," Ethan insists. "Grown-ups say 'good' very loudly. Sometimes 'yes' too. Sometimes 'don't stop.' It means they're happy about life. Sex life. Like...six life? But spelled different?"

"Oh my God," Scarlett mutters. She sits back down. Hard. Reaches for her glass.

"SEE!" Alexander points at her. "She just said 'Oh my God!' That's sex life!"

Kyle's shoulders are shaking. He's trying not to laugh.

Trying. And failing.

"This is not funny," I hiss at him.

"It's a little funny," he wheezes.

"Also," Madison says thoughtfully, "sometimes there's music. And the bed makes squeaky sounds. Like a song."

"I'm going to die," Morton says to no one in particular. "Right here. In this restaurant."

"The rhythm is very consistent," Ethan observes. "Approximately 120 beats per minute. I counted once."

"YOU COUNTED?" Scarlett's voice is strangled.

"I was practicing my math. Multiplication tables. It helped me fall back asleep."

My mother has her face buried in Hugo's shoulder. Her entire body is shaking with silent laughter.

Hugo is trying to maintain composure. Failing.

Sophie is not even trying. She's laughing openly. Tears streaming down her face.

"This is the best day of my life," she gasps between laughs.

"Sophie," I warn.

"No, no, let them continue. I need to hear more about Morton's sex li—"

"DON'T," Morton and Scarlett say simultaneously.

Their eyes meet across the table.

Then they both look away quickly.

"Why is everyone being weird?" Alexander asks. "We're just explaining what we know."

"You know nothing," I say firmly. "Nothing at all. You know NOTHING."

"We know about the good sounds—"

"NOPE."

"And the music—"

"NO."

"And one time Uncle Morton said a bad word really loud—"

"ALEXANDER."

Alexander's mouth snaps shut.

"We do not," I say slowly, "discuss what we hear through walls. Ever. Do you understand?"

"But you asked what sex life was—"

"I did not. Madison asked. And I'm telling you now—we don't talk about this. At restaurants. Or anywhere. Ever."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"That's not a real reason."

"It is when you're six."

Ethan raises his hand. Like we're in school.

"Ethan, no—"

"I just want to clarify. Are we in trouble for answering the question? Or for having the information in the first place?"

"Neither. Both. I don't know. Please just stop talking."

"But proper communication is important for healthy family dynamics—"

"ETHAN."

"Okay. Stopping now."

There's a blessed moment of silence.

Then Madison says, very quietly, "Is sex life a bad thing?"

"No!" I say too quickly. "It's just—it's private. Like going to the bathroom. We don't talk about other people's private things."

"But Uncle Morton does it very loud. That's not private."

Thomas makes a sound like a dying walrus.

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