The winter I turned 8 my life changed forever. It was brutally cold that winter. I think we had record breaking snowfall that year.
There wasn't much to do since school kept getting canceled, and the sun set early. I mostly played inside by the fire with my little brother, or sat by the window looking out into the forest while reading or drawing.
On one particular night though, everything changed. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday.
That day was 10 years ago.
***
My mom had made a blazing warm fire in the fireplace after me and my brother came inside from playing in the snow. I felt my cheeks and nose start to thaw as I snuggled under a blanket near the fire. I breathed in the scent of pine from the wood burning in the hearth as I looked out the window into the woods behind our house.
At first all I saw was our snow covered land. Tall pines covered with snow and ice.
But then all of a sudden to there was blurs of grey, black, brown, yellow and gold. Moving in and out behind the trees.
Birds?
No.
Racoons?
No.
Deer?
No.
Wolves?
Wolves.
Of every color and size. They moved fast, but silently and gracefully. If you weren't really studying the woods, you'd miss them gliding seamlessly between the trees.
I stared, captivated by their wild beauty. Then one of them stopped running. He looked right at me. Through the window and into my living room and it felt like, straight into my soul.
*That was the moment my life changed forever, whether I realized it at the time or not.*
And how did I, an 8 year old girl know I was looking at a boy wolf?
I didn't; but I did. Before this moment I had only seen pictures of wolves in books or my imagination.
But I just knew.
His light blue eyes stuck out from the rest of his packs common golden yellow, or brown colored eyes.
Blue like a cloudless summer sky. Electric blue, like the Caribbean's warm salty oceans.
His fur was a deep midnight black, white light wisps of a snowy grey under his neck and paws, as well as around his ears and tail. The grey highlights didn't take away from the majority of his fur being black as coal. Most of the wolves in his pack had Brown or sandy colored hair. Some were grey. Only a handful were black. Including this one.
He was frighteningly beautiful. But I didn't feel afraid as he watched me from the edge of the woods.
I felt light. My stomach fluttered and flipped with butterflies.
Instead of going back to bed, I turned to the attic stairs which was right next to my door, and climbed my way to the top.
My attic wasn't your average run of the mill crawl space with a drop down ladder. It was more like a third story, filled with decades of unused dusty junk.
There was a balcony off of our attic that overlooked the forest behind our house.
I grabbed an old musty sleeping bag along with a wool blanket that was stored in an old burough in the corner. I threw them over my shoulder and with my other hand that wasn't holding my cup of tea I grabbed a summer lounge chair; so I could relax and gaze and the stars while sipping my tea.
I opened the balcony door, and set the lounge chair down, and laid the sleeping bag down and got in.
I arranged the wool blanket around my shoulders and lap, creating a cocoon of sorts.
Once I was settled I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. I took a sip of the warm liquid and let it trickle down my throat and seep into my bones to warm my body.
I could clearly see all the stars above and the bright moon shining down. I could see Orion and the Big Dipper from my spot on the roofs ledge.
As I took another deep breath of the cool crisp winter air, I couldn't shake this restless feeling I felt. It was an anxious feeling. Like someone was watching me. Who could be watching me outside?
I took a moment to scan the woods beneath me. I looked in between the trees and along the forest floor and saw nothing. I unfocused my eyes for a second and looked down at my hands holding my tea cup.
I then looked back up to the woods right in front of me.
Then I saw him; I focused in on the other pair of eyes that were locked with mine. How could I miss those eyes looking back at me?
Under the bright full moon his clear as day eyes looked back at me with wonder, as if he were confused by my entire being. My eyes probably portrayed the same emotion as his.

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