The Alpha and His Contract Luna novel Chapter 117

Mayra

Spending the night with Darren was more than I could’ve hoped for. For the first time since captivity I felt treasured. I felt safe. I felt like I was on the top of the world.

For some insane reason I wanted to stay with him. And if he had asked me to, I probably would have. After I got out of captivity, I thought that I would never let a man touch me. That I will never get close to any man.

With Darren I don’t even know how it happened. One minute we were bumping into each at the hospital when I went to see my therapist, and the next we were falling into bed together.

He managed to get past my defenses and despite myself, a part of me wants more. Wants to be with him.

“Mayra, what are you thinking about?” Alice, my therapist, pulls me back to the present.

“Nothing much” I answered.

It was in the afternoon and I was in one of my therapy sessions. Don’t get me wrong, Alice is a wonderful woman. I just felt like our talks weren’t really helping me like they should.

After all, Raya was still out of control.

“We both know that’s a lie” she smiles.

“Alright, fine, I was thinking about Darren…I spent the night at his place yesterday”

“And…” she urges, leaning forward.

“It was actually really great… I didn’t have nightmares”

She nods her head. She knows what I’m talking about given I told her that I have them. That the memories usually come when I’m most vulnerable. At night.

During the day, I can suppress them but when I’m unconscious that’s a very different story.

“Have you told him about your nightmares…have you shared any of your traumas?”

I look at her like she is crazy. Like she said the most absurd thing in the world.

“Why the hell would I do that?” I ask puzzled.

She sighs as if she’s tired. As if she’s praying to the goddess for patience.

“Mayra, we talked about this…At one point or another you will have to tell the man you decide to date about what happened to you and at this point I’m starting to believe that man is Darren”

I get what she’s saying but she’s also wrong. I’m not planning to ever date. And Darren is definitely not that man. Sure I would love for him to be but I have too much baggage. He needs a she-wolf that is whole. Not one that is broken.

I shake my head but she speaks before I can utter a word.

“Putting that aside, I’m here to help you Mayra, but I can't do that if you don’t work with me. You mentioned a few things here and there but when I try to push deeper you close up. The only thing you’ve mentioned is your nightmares and even then you don’t talk about what they entail.”

“But…” I go to say but she cuts me off

“You never talk about your time in captivity. About what happened to you. You say absolutely nothing but you expect me to help. How am I going to do that if I don’t know the whole story?”

“I know that I…”

Unable to hold myself up, I fall on the carpeted floor and hide my face behind my hands. Feeling Alice’s arms around me. Her comfort surrounding me, I cry harder.

“It’s okay love, let it all out…I’m here” she says in a soft comforting voice.

“No it’s not…I hate how broken and damaged I am and I'm afraid I'll never be whole again”

I don’t know for how long we kneel there when my cries finally die down. I now felt exhausted and all I wanted to do was nap before Raya and my nightmares kept me up at night again.

“Thank you” I slowly tell her, looking straight into her eyes.

I see something pass in them but it’s too quick for me to read much into it.

“Anytime”

“I would like to go home now, our session is finished right?”

She nods her head in affirmation and we both stand up. She lets go of me and without another word to her, I take my bag and leave her office.

I wasn’t being mean or anything by not saying goodbye to her. I was just too depleted to bother. Everything in me felt raw. Like my heart and soul had been stripped and laid bare for everyone to see. I hated that kind of vulnerability.

Passing other patients and avoiding eye contact with anyone because they probably heard me scream like a banshee, I finally get outside. I breathe in the fresh air. Trying to calm my erratic heart.

Walking towards my car I feel a chill down my spine. I hurry, hating the feeling of fear that was encasing me. Spotting my car, I quickly get in and speed out of the parking lot. All the while feeling like someone was watching me. Like someone was hunting me. Waiting for the perfect time to strike.