Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book novel Chapter 53

“Radar is our Papi. Every pack has a mentor who’s mature. He’s older than all of us, mid-thirties. He went to war as part of the Luna’s guard. That scar on his face, he got by protecting her with his life, and it almost ended him. God damn silver and wolfsbane, I shudder to think. He’s always been a slave to Sierra and never mated because his heart lies with her, devoted, and loyal. It’s kinda sad, to be that crushed on someone that even in her absence you still pine them.” Meadow is hushed, but the torn tone of real empathy drags through her voice, a hint of real pain for her pack mate.

“They had an affair?” I gasp, my head spinning on that point alone, and I can’t help but staring back at Radar in the people before us, seeing him in a whole new light. He’s not exactly ugly or unattractive. That scar is obviously a major, but he has a nice face despite it, and a strong, tall build, like Colton. The white eye I guess kind of makes him a little bad ass. In that rugged, hero type, way

“No, you know the laws on adultery with a mate bonded wolf. Radar is straight down the line, not a rule breaker. He never told her, she never knew, never even had the courage to look her in the face all those years because he was completely submissive in the hierarchy to her. It’s forbidden for the guards to look upon the alpha’s mate and make eye contact. The Luna had many guards, and he just blended in, I guess. He was the only one of her guard to make it back alive though, probably because he was so badly wounded and recovering. that he was taken down and missed the last battle they ever fought. The Luna’s guard were all massacred in that last fight, then everyone came home, and she was gone before he recovered enough to regain his duties.” Meadow shrugs, retelling what she knows, and I inhale heavily as pieces click in place and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Juan probably had them all slain too because they would have been loyal to their charge. Their Queen. She was their focus, not Juan, and Radar escaped only down to being almost dead. Which means he missed what happened with my mother and knows nothing of what Juan did. He would be dead too if he’d been there, and it removes any shadow of doubt that he was ever involved. He didn’t even get the chance to save her from being sent away. I think if he had been, he would have died to rescue her all over again.

The adultery thing though, highlights how much Colton doesn’t respect or care about me if he expects me to throw aside the laws and have an affair with him anyway. We all know the shame it carries, and I could be completely exiled from this pack if we went through with it. His alpha role would be dissolved, and he too could be dethroned to live in shame. He’s an asshole of the highest order if he thinks that’s a solution to him marking that Puta. He can’t have his cake and eat it.

I blink in Radar’s direction, trying so hard to get my head around this new information as we sweep into the brightly lit grand foyer of a huge entranceway of this so-called homestead. I mean Colton grew up in a manor that was more of a castle and housed hundreds…. this is small by that standard, but still a freaking castle in its own right. It’s amazing, and huge. Prehistoric, and the décor is definitely old-world witch, but I don’t doubt it can house a vast amount.

The hub bub of the crowded hall, and wave of bodies moving up and down the stairs, and around in general, as word spreads, they have their long-lost Luna back, makes this place feel pretty overwhelming. It’s not enough to distract me from watching Radar follow the group though, stopping when they get so far, as Colton and the doc wheel Sierra’s bed in the direction of a narrow hall to the left.

“I should go with them.” I nod after them as more of the group of helpers drop off, leaving a bare minimal body count to turn her bed into a door. Mainly Colton, the doctor, and a couple of femmes who are helping with the cabinet and her machines.

“Yeah, you should. We’re all going to go back out on patrol of the borders to watch for your tail, we have to keep this place safe. Tell Colton to link me when he wants me back to take care of you, and to find you some decent clothes. I’m sure for right now, Sierra is his priority.” She clasps my hand tightly, squeezes it, and leans in kissing me on the forehead, before nodding towards the door that Colton and his skeleton crew went through.

“Meadow…. I’m so glad to be back.” I answer honestly, in afterthought, as she goes to move away, warmed by the tearful smile she gives me, and that little rub of my shoulder that it’s all going to be okay. Despite everything, even finding out that I could survive out there alone, I really have missed her and being around people. Being in a place that’s warm, and safe, and I don’t have to hunt for my meals anymore, it reminds me what a pack can be like. I can do it alone; I just prefer this…. not out there. Being here reinforces it. I don’t want to go back out and disappear anymore. Everything’s different and I don’t want to leave again.

“We are all happy to see you back. I made a mistake in letting you leave… Colton is still trying to forgive me. Don’t do it again.” She half laughs, but there’s a serious edge to her tone and a look that hints at a real warning.

“I’m not planning on it. All of this is bigger than us now. Priorities have changed.” I point out and she exhales with another nod.

“Good, because he’ll strap your ass to him and put guard duty on you twenty-four seven if he even gets a hint you might take off again. That boy is not playing no more, Chica!” That head wobble and finger point that always makes me smile at her, but I ‘hmmm’ then gesture I should go. I don’t care right now what Colton thinks, or wants. I need to see what’s going on and then sit. I only dozed in the truck for a short time and I’m physically exhausted and could do with a little moment to get used to this buzzing house. After weeks of nature and solitude, this human chaos is a bit much to get my head around. This whole thing is mentally overwhelming, and sleep is all I want, even though I’m not going to get it for a while.

I turn and head after Colton, trace their steps down a corridor, turn right through the door they went, which takes me along a short hall, through two double doors into a proper set up infirmary. It’s already like a mini hospital wing, which is weird given our kinds ability to heal, so I guess this is from when the witch side of Colton’s family who stayed here. It’s white, large, yet crowded with cabinets full of potion bottles on every wall. Some of it looks dated, but mostly there are modern additions, obviously brought with Colton’s own medics who are hurriedly wading in and helping move Sierra to a central bed that’s more substantial than the one she’s on.

I mean wolf packs do have medical staff and doctors. We do sometimes need them, especially in the younger ages when we are not turned yet, and we catch diseases or get injured. We’re vulnerable in youth, much like mortals are. It’s irresponsible for a pack to not have the means to protect all in our pack.

They switch over her machines to full size ones, change out her tubes, and hang up her saline bag on a trolley to the side, as some of the wolves already in here file out, gazing longingly her way and nodding at Colton as each and every one leaves. I know the link between pack members is generally the preferred mode of communication, but it sucks that to me it’s a silent wall. Watch in envy as so much translates between them, but I hear nothing.

I miss pack linking, and the sense of unity it gave you as a whole, it reminds me I’m never really going to be part of this pack. I mean Colton could initiate me in general, now he’s alpha and has that power, and I could maybe link that way, but once his mate gets a whiff I’m here, I don’t doubt world war three will erupt. She’ll never let him put me in the pack to have more of a bond with him.

I have no idea where she is, but she has to be around here somewhere, I mean, she is his Luna now. Mates never stray far apart and as Luna, her job is to care for the vulnerable in this massive palace. She probably got left behind here when he came for me, because he knew she would just aggravate the situation and make things worse between us. Not that it needs much help.

I stand back watching as she’s settled, and the transition is complete. The doctor moving in to talk with a woman in a white coat I recognize from the Santo medical center in the valley. She has two nurses flanking her as they busily squirrel around, put trolleys away, and sort out the haywire mess of machines they’ve taken from Sierra. Tidying up and making her ready for her new stay in here.

Colton pulls over a high stool to the head of her bed and perches down beside her, oblivious to me over here, leaning in and saying something softly as he strokes her hair back, fully locked on her face as everyone else seems engrossed on the care plan they’re discussing. I can hear the doc listing of medications and withdrawal key points, a step by step of what they need to do over the next few hours, but all my attention is on that solitary, strong, wide figure, with his back to me, and the longing pulling me to go comfort him.

Despite everything going on, we both have so much mess in our heads and a shared pain from finding out things that turned everything upside down. Now isn’t the time to hold that against him while all this is going on. Neither of us was prepared or even mature enough to deal with the tsunami of shit we’ve endured these past weeks, and I’m weary with it all catching up. I don’t want to carry the feelings of hurt and hate on top of that too. Not right now.

We have to figure this out, wait on Sierra to see if she has an answer, and focus on the fact Deacon and his crew will follow us. Soon as they wake up and realize what’s happened, I’m sure Juan will be notified, and there will be a mad scramble to try and get here before she can tell everyone the truth.

I can be mad at Colton, hurt by him, but right now he’s my alpha too, and I need to look to him for leadership, and keeping us all safe. If all I do is argue and carry a grudge, I’ll make it all harder for myself. The pack, this house, this place, its where I’m meant to be through this, and I need to put this shit aside and stop thinking about myself for a little while. About how what he did broke my heart, when right now, the priority is everyone else, and Sierra.

“This is not the little sub pack and hide out I imagined it would be.” The doc infiltrates my thoughts, appearing beside me with that soothing English dialect that’s becoming like a warm hug, and I have to smile at that.

“He’s young, headstrong, stubborn like his mother, and still finding his feet in his new role. Go easy on him. He has the world on his shoulders, and he needs a little help in holding it up. His head is not quite where it should be.” The doc glances at him and then off to the femme Medic across the other side who waves him to her.

I nod, taking the hint, and push off to walk towards Colton, leaving the doc to wander back to the femme in the corner pouring over some clipboard as she jots things down.

I take a levelling inhale, push all my riots of feelings into one tiny box and sit on them for now. Determined to be civil and not let everything ooze out of me while he needs a friend. I approach him from behind, and like in the truck, he’s so zoned in on his mom he doesn’t acknowledge me coming close until I get right up beside him and lean in to look at her. Eyeing her up now she’s been settled in here and it’s odd, but I swear, she has more color to her pallor and her hair looks a little shinier. It’s almost like she knows she isn’t alone anymore, that she’s surrounded by her people and their love, even if that’s ridiculous.

Seeing them together like this, only highlights how much he looks like her now he’s an adult. The same profile, small nose, and perfect bone structure of two very beautiful people, and I guess he always had her strong DNA. The dark hair, and straight brows, although Sierra is noticeably pale compared to Colton’s sallow tan he wears all year round. She is lithe, and feminine in her build though, and Colton, well, he’s your typical strong, tall, and built alpha type. More muscles than brains sometimes, and he has a nice ass.

One of the nurses pushes a stool up behind me with a smile and nod and I take it gratefully, sitting beside Colton and trying hard not to reach out to touch him. He looks so lost in the moment, eyes fixated on her, and so many thoughts must be running through his head. It’s like watching a pained child trying to figure something out, and that maternal instinct in me revs up a thousand watts and makes sitting here unbearable.

“I can’t believe she’s really here… that’s she’s real. How many times I dreamed of seeing her again?” He whispers it, that sexy voice low, and rough, alerting me to the fact he’s aware I’m beside him after all, and I relax into the seat, propping my feet up on the bar and lean towards him lightly. Suddenly consumed with fierce protectiveness over him when he seems this vulnerable.

“I’m just glad that we got her here. That you came when I found her.” What else can I say. Nothing I can add right now is going to ease the tension as we wait, and he knows everything I do about all of this.

“How could he do this to her? How could he not love her the way he was supposed to?” His eyes run back to her face, once again he strokes her hair, and he’s so lost in his own feeling he doesn’t notice my sarcastic eyebrow rise and tilted pointed chin gesture I give him.

That’s a very good question Colton… why couldn’t he? You might know given you clearly have the same flaw!!

I shake it out of my head before he senses my attitude, scolding myself for such an impulsive response, but still, he really is dense sometimes. Know this projecting crap is only going to make me mad, and I don’t bite or say it out loud but god damn it, Colton. Really?

I know he doesn’t need this right now, so I sigh it away, breathe slowly, and count to ten, sit a little taller, and try and focus on what he needs instead. Reminding myself that this is bigger than us, and I have to be less pounce ready.

“He betrayed the mate bond; he doesn’t deserve her.” I point out flatly, then curse myself under my breath for still pushing it out there even if I didn’t meant to. It’s like everything we are saying is the damned obvious, yet Colton doesn’t even click. Colton doesn’t move or react, just that same silent fixed stare as he watches her breathe, eyes on her closed lids, and he sits. I feel like screaming and hitting him over the head with the nearest hard object, but instead I stare at the ceiling for a minute and let it pass. Soooooo slowly.