Lost in You novel Chapter 8

This is shameful, but such shameful feelings have given me a feast for carnival.

Hiding everyone in a kind of despair, this despair brings me a sense of pleasure. I spurn myself, deeply disgust myself, but there is no way, I am addicted to him.

I am holding James, but he doesn't know my despair.

"What should I do?" I stare at the light above my head, yelling for help.

James's hot eyes seem to burn me, I dare not look at him, I dare not let him know all the truth.

"Stay with me!" He captures me with affection, but I couldn't say yes.

I hug him with all my strength, "I'm sorry."

He gasps and asks, "Why?"

"Perhaps this is the most exciting." I smile palely.

"We only have sex, and nothing is involved in it, only this is the happiest." My fingers gently on his back, as if playing a sad piano song, I say in a loss, "That’s it."

James looks at me puzzled.

I as annoyed that he flirted with other women the moment before, and at this moment I say that you and me are not relevant, and I feel that I am inexplicable, as if playing a trick.

James tightens his face, "Do you think I play with you?"

The loving feeling of sex is still there, but I have nothing but self-blame, self-loathing, and deep apologies.

"Sorry. I am sorry." I wrap myself in a quilt.

For a long time do I hear James say, "What are you afraid of? I can't understand you."

As a result, we break up in unhappiness.

It's all my fault. What did James do wrong?

At dawn, I will put on my mask and start living.

"Since I said you could find a man, you have been away from home every night." Neil smokes on the sofa without raising his head, and there is a kind of despair in the room.

"I try to have a child. Don't you want a child who can prove that you can have a child? You also need a child who can compete with Nash for a family property." I say coldly.

I wake up in the tank, every joint on my body is hurting, and the cold water makes my body stiff and cold.

Actually, I don't die.

Life is so bitter, why can't I have some happiness? Neil is not my beloved, nor is he my husband! I don't admit it!

I get up from the bathtub, and look at my wet body and feel that I am really stupid. Why should I give in for the life?

I walk to the closet, find a clean dress, put it on, and immediately go out.

"James, I want to see you." I send him a message, and the only thing I could think of at this time is James, the source of all my joy and happiness. I want to fall in love with him, not seeking results, not asking what will happen in the future, as long as I can have interesting hopes in my depressed life.

James quickly replies to me, and let me give him a positioning. He comes to pick me up.

I think I'm crazy. I stand there waiting for him with excitement, every factor in my body is clamoring, and a desire and hope suddenly rises up in my body.

If I see him, I must give him my warmest emotion and drown myself under him.

These thoughts are really crazy, but once they come forward, they can no longer be suppressed.