Lost in You novel Chapter 64

I can't tell how I feel when I am watching my loved ones grieve for me at my funeral.

Maybe I would make them think that I really die and will never show up again as Carolina.

James, will you feel sad for my death?

I hide myself very carefully so that no one could notice me. I quietly look at them. ‘I’ am buried in the grave, and James stands in front of my grave for a long time.

There is no one else here, only me and him.

He stands there quietly, staring at the photo on my grave.

"Carolina, I don't believe you are dead. You must be kidding me." Finally, he speaks, and I hide in the distance, listening to his faint voice. He seems to be suppressing something.

The wind rushes from all directions and roars, as if it is mourning for me.

"I'm sorry," James says again, his voice trembling, "I'm sorry."

I don't know why he is apologizing. Maybe it is because of my dad's death, or our love. But now, it doesn't matter anymore.

I will be born again. James, just wait for me.

In fact, I hate him, and I hate Isabel even more.

But what I feel more is unwillingness. I can’t accept that I can’t control my life. Why should I be controlled by others all the time? From now on, I must lead my own life.

James leaves until the night falls. I watch him walk into the night little by little, as if he is walking out of my life.

From now on, I will no longer be the Carolina before.

I return to the South State at night, where I will start my new life.

At the beginning, my life is very difficult. I have no money, nor do I have ID card, because my identity has been canceled. I could only do some illegal jobs which don’t require an ID card, and I could not earn much money. I hide in a rundown urban area and eat steamed bread every day. Even though I could barely keep body and soul together, I still have hope for the future.

One day I will definitely come back with another identity to revenge. I want to make those who have depressed me taste the bitter tears as I did.

I bite the bullet and get along. I devour the unpalatable food, and swallow it without chewing. Revenge is now the only thing to support me to hold on.

"Hey! I didn't expect to meet you here." When I do the cleaning in a hotel, someone pats on my shoulder. I look back and find that it is Morley.

"What a coincidence!" I greet him in surprise. He has helped me a lot before.

"The previous clothes... I'm sorry. Because something happened to me, I must leave immediately, and I haven't returned it to you." I apologize.

Morley says, "It's okay. But I didn't expect to meet you here. It's really unexpected."

He smiles very brightly, showing his lovely canines, and I couldn't help being moved by his smile. I smile at him. This is the first time that I have smiled from the bottom of my heart after death.

It is Morley who helps me apply for the ID card. I use an ID card that remains uncancelled of a dead woman. I don't know how he got the card for me, but the woman actually looks a bit like me.

I didn't ask him how he got it, nor did he tell me. He just says, "This is your new identity."

His identity is also a mystery, just like mine. I didn’t ask about him, and he never asks about me.

I have a lot of things I can do with my ID card. For example, I can go back to my previous industry and work hard to make money.

But soon I find that my body goes amiss. I always feel sleepy and disgusted, and my period has not come yet.

After the examination, I find out that I am pregnant for three months.

Suddenly I remember that I didn’t take contraceptive last time I slept with James. I don't know if it is good or not to keep this baby.

I stroke my belly, feeling anxious.

What to do?

The baby is James’s. I feel sorry for the baby I lost last time, but I couldn't afford to raise a child in this situation.

But I can feel it growing up in my belly.

Suddenly I want to give birth to the baby. Will he look like the man I once loved?

Maybe only when I see this kid can I be sure whether I still love James, and whether I can really let go of him.

Five years later.

I am no longer the same Carolina before. My name is Nida Carl and I have a whole new life.

"Miss Carl, this is Miss Clara from Sky Sea Press. Sorry to bother you, but I would like to ask when the final chapter of Deep Love can be handed in. The readers have been urging us." Clara says carefully, "Please, Miss Carl, could you hand in these few days?"

"Okay." I blurt out. In fact, I have finished it and am polishing it.

Morley looks at me and sighs, "Well, I'll go back with you. I happen to have something to do in Sheffield."

"You don't have to help me all the time." I say. For so many years, I always feel that I have owed him a lot.

Morley says nonchalantly, "We have known each other for so many years. Don’t take it to your heart."

I don't refuse again. I always feel that something is weird, but I just can't tell.

"Where is your girlfriend? You told me that you will bring her here last time." I pick up the coffee and say, “You have made so many girlfriends. Why don't you let me know one of them? You've also said that we'd known each other for several years."

Morley leans back on the chair, his deep eyes staring at me, smiling softly, "It's not the right time yet. You will know it sooner or later."

I am relieved to see the gentle look on his face as he talks about his girlfriend. I wish I was just being suspicious. I don't want to complicate our relationship.

"Then what is she like?" I continue.

Morley smiles, "Kind. I fall in love with her the first time I saw her."

His eyes become bright. When he talks about the person he loves, he has the affectionate look that I have never seen before.

I nod. This girl must be a very good person; otherwise Morley couldn’t have been in love her for so long. On average, he would change girlfriends for every two or three months. But he has been with the girl for more than a year, and he still hides her. See how seriously he takes it.

"When will you go to Sheffield? I will go with you." Morley says.

"In these few days." I suppress my excitement and say.

It’s only a few days. I've been waiting for it for a long time.

In the evening, I receive a document.

Over the past few years, I have been investigating Isabel and James. I know their every move.

The moment I open the folder, a stack of photos falls off.

Inside the photos are James and another woman. They don't seem to be intimate, but the one who has been following him reports to me that James is about to be engaged with this woman, Salome Chan.

Get engaged?

Anyway, he finds another woman, and soon he will be another woman's man.