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Inexperienced novel Chapter 16

I spring up, sweat soaking my body, the image of cold eyes looking into mine etched to the back of my eye lids.

"It's ok, you're ok," I whisper to myself but the tears streaming down my face, and the sobs shaking my body seem to be telling me otherwise. Arms suddenly wrap around me and I scream and go to shrink away.

"Shh, little one it's me," Mr. Gray eyes soothes, as he turns on the lamp by the bedside and gently pulls me into his chest. I snuggle into him. "That's it, let it all out," he coos, as I sob against his chest, clinging onto his shirt. Soon enough, I have no more tears to cry.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my voice slightly muffled.

"For what? What happened wasn't your fault," Mr. Gray eyes says and I scoot away from him and turn so that we were face to face. I lower my gaze, unable to meet those intimidating eyes.

"If I just did a-as you said then n-n-none of it would've h-happened."

"You shouldn't be worried about a disgusting person like me." those words leave my mouth yet I don't care. I go and flush the toilet and then get up and walk around him as if he's not there and go and brush my teeth.

"Lilith, you're not disgusting. You shouldn't let what that man said get to you. You're beautiful..." I don't know what came over me, but something in me snapped. I spit in the sink and rinse out my mouth and then turn towards Mr. Gray eyes.

"I AM DISGUSTING. DO YOU NOT SEE THE STRETCH MARKS, THE ROLLS, THE FACT THAT I'M AS BIG AS A CHAIR?!!! IT'S NOT JUST HIM WHO HAS TOLD ME THAT. I'VE BEEN TOLD TIME AFTER TIME, OH IF YOU WERE SKINNIER YOU'D BE SO PRETTY OR SORRY YOU'RE CUTE BUT I'M JUST NOT INTO FAT CHICKS, HOW ABOUT HAVE YOU EVER TRIED A SALAD? THEN THERE ARE THE ONES WHERE THEY'RE LIKE EW PIGGIE COMING THROUGH OR YOU REALLY THINK IT'S OK FOR YOU TO WEAR THAT BEING AS BIG AS YOU ARE OH AND MY FAVORITE, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE TO BIG TO FIT INTO THAT?! THEN THERE ARE THE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW FAT PEOPLE ARE UGLY, GROSS, AND THAT WE SMELL!!! I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE GIVING ME SYMPATHY JUST BECAUSE OF MY SIZE OR NOT WANTING TO BE MY FRIEND JUST BECAUSE I'M A BIG PERSON OR THEM MAKING SNIDE COMMENTS ABOUT MY WEIGHT. I GET IT I'M DIGUSTING!!! FOR ONCE I JUST WISH THE WORLD WOULD SEE THAT...all bodies deserve love," my voice cracks at the end, due to my voice not use to screaming at such a high level. Tears are harshly streaming down my face, my chest heaving. Mr. Gray eyes looks at me, eyes wide and full of surprisement. Without another word I storm out of the bathroom and just walk, not sure where I'm going but knowing that I needed to get out of what felt like a panic room.

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