I Am The Luna (Moonlight Muse) novel Chapter 134

56. A Heartbreaking Decision or I Am The Luna Chapter 134 By Moonlight Muse

SEBASTIAN.

Ever since I spoke to her in the kitchen, she’s been quieter, although she’s smiling, which lights up those gorgeous eyes of hers. I wish I could change the past, change the decisions I made.

Seeing Sia sick was the last straw. The promise that Gerard had the antidote drove me to get it for her, no matter what.

Watching Zaia crouch down gracefully, yet looking so fucking sexy as she talks to Sia makes me wish I could be the reason behind her smiles…

But instead, I’m the reason behind her tears.

The pain that comes with love is often never spoken of. Two people may love one another immensely, but there are still so many hurdles that they have to overcome… but I think I hurt Zaia one time too many…

And that thought agonises me, torments me.

“Time to cut the cake!” Sia exclaims as Zaia passes Dad the knife.

“Everyone gather around,” Valerie says with a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes which still hold sadness.

Pain.

Sorrow.

Heartbreak.

So much suffering.

These emotions come in different forms for every person, but we all feel it. The emotions that will bring us to our knees, steal the air from our lungs, the sort of emotions where every part of you aches, yearns and screams for its end. It’s brutal and blinding in its pain. It bashes your soul harder and quicker than the most powerful of storms.

I ruined this for us. I understand her point. I fucking see her reason. I just wish it wasn’t like this. I ruined what love and trust meant to her.

I’ve tainted it with heartbreak and betrayal. Now I wish I could protect her heart just to make sure no one else dares hurt it, yet are my hands the place for it because I broke it to begin with?

“Sebastian?” Hugh says, snapping me from my thoughts.

Walking over to them, I step up next to Hugh as they stand gathered around the table and begin singing. I refuse to join in, simply strumming my fingers to the rhythm.

Dad cuts his cake, feeding Zaia first and then the children. He glances at me before I reach over and take the cake from his hand, but instead of eating it; I hold it out to him.

A silent peace offering to mend the bridges that we are trying to resurrect…

He smiles faintly, biting into it. “Thank you, son.”

“Don’t thank me, I didn’t make it,” I say quietly, glancing at Zaia.

She has the smallest curve of a bump already forming, and she looks gorgeous. Although I’m the one who asked for us to talk, I’m not sure what the outcome will be… deep down I’m not sure it will be in my favour, but still, I need to know…

I need to know if there is any hope of fixing what I broke. I destroyed her, and now I suddenly find myself wanting to rebuild her to who she once was, even if the truth is she doesn’t need me to rebuild her because she’s truly capable of rebuilding herself.

It’s a while later and the kids are playing happily with Dad and the others, and despite the fact it is getting quite late neither is tired.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to bed?” Zaia is asking them.

“Yes Mommy, I’m a big boy now, and Sia is stronger now. So, we stay awake,” Zion says firmly.

“They deserve to get to break their routine for a day at least.” Hugh chuckles as Zion nods vigorously.

“Yes, Granddad is right. We deserve this,” he protests as Sia giggles.

“Yes, we big now,” she declares.

“Ok then,” Zaia says.

‘Shall we?’ I ask, jerking my thumb towards the door. She stands up slowly smoothing her dress, her face unreadable as the mask that she puts on in front of me slips into place.

“Excuse me…” she says.

“Ok Mommy, you go talk to Daddy. We will look at Grandad’s gifts!” Zion says.

But even as those words leave my mouth, I realise I’ve said them before… right when she was at her most vulnerable and promised me to open up to her. No more lies, no more misconception but I didn’t.

“No. I don’t want to do something just because it’s what others want. I want to put myself first for once. I want to heal and learn what I truly want from my life because I know this is not it. Please, Sebastian, don’t make this harder for me,” she whispers, her voice a murmur on the wind.

“Zaia, I fucking love you. I just, I am sorry…” I say, gazing into her amethyst eyes.

“I know and I do love you, but it also hurts far too much.”

I hate seeing her like this. She’s beautiful, but at the same time, she’s vulnerable and hurting.

I had seen the signs, the silent plea for me not to break the promise I made, the warning that if I did, it would break her… but I did, anyway. Even if my heart was in the right place, I did the worst thing I could possibly do to her; betraying her faith that she had put in me once again.

I realise in that moment as she looks at me what I need to do… no matter how hard, or how it’ll break me.

If I truly love her, I need to let her go. If she one day finds it in herself to forgive me, then I will wait for it.

If she is meant to be in my life until the end, she will return to me and if not… then our precious moments will be like a passing season that I will never forget.

“I understand, and I am proud that you are putting yourself first. I’m proud of you Little Fox, I truly am.” I lean down and kiss her forehead softly, closing my eyes as the pain of what is happening settles in.

I love you, with everything I have, but I just didn’t treat you the way I should have and now I will pay the price for it.

I am fucking sorry, even if that word itself is doing nothing but building resentment for myself within me. I messed up and there is no undoing what I did.

Those are the words I want to say to her, but… I can’t… I have no right to.

“Thank you… for understanding,” she murmurs, her delicate hands wrapping around my wrist, and I sense the slight weight lifting from her.

Even now… I was nothing but a burden upon her and that is not the relationship I want. Not for her. Not for me.

I move back, blue eyes meeting violet… two separate souls, ready to embark on two separate journeys. Perhaps one day we will meet at another crossroad, and maybe, just maybe, from there, our paths may truly become one.