Fall For My Ex's Mafia Dad novel Chapter 134

I dash from the room, pounding down the stairs that lead to the second floor, my mind set on nothing but the safety of my room, my bed, my closed door –

But as I turn onto the second-floor landing, I slams into someone coming up the steps from the house’s first level.

“Whoa! –“ the person says, gasping in surprise and perhaps a little pain. “What –“

Frantic, I work to push beyond them, feeling and seeing nothing beyond the tears in my eyes that stream down my cheeks. I’m a bit feral now, like a rabbit doing anything it can to get back to my warren – I’ve just got to get inside, where I can be alone –

“Fay,” the voice says, worried and stern. He grasps me by my shoulders and I gasp, looking up, shocked to see Kent’s face –

But no, a face like Kent’s, but softer, younger – Daniel.

“Fay, are you alright?” he whispers, urgent. “What’s – why are you wearing that?”

I look up at Daniel, my mouth hanging open, not knowing what to say. My eyes flick to the door to my bedroom – there’s no part of me that wants to have this conversation now. I just – I can’t.

“I have to go,” I mumble, pushing past him. I hear him call after me but I ignore it. There’s a little guilt in me at this – I know that I haven’t been fair to Daniel in all of this – but the guilt isn’t strong enough to fight my panic, my fear, my desire to just be alone.

I look once over my shoulder at Daniel as I push open my door, see him looking towards the stairs up to the third floor, putting things together. Does he even know what his dad has up there?

Before I can see what Daniel does next, though, I press my door shut, leaning against it and closing my eyes, panting a little. The dark of my room washes over me like cool water and I feel my shaking body start to ease, my pounding heart lighten.

I stand there for a long time, my forehead pressed against the door, my breath huffing hot against the white paint, my mind absolutely reeling. But as the minutes pass, and as I lean into the safety of my room, I’m able to start to put words to my emotions.

God damn it. God damn it. What the hell just happened?

As I pull on a t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts, I consider that at the heart of it, of the whole evening, the central fact was that it was terrifying for me.

And perhaps it’s just me being a baby – being so naïve, and romantic, and sheltered. But as much as it sometimes gives me pleasure and a thrill to defy Kent, and to push him, and to drive him beyond his point of control – I am not sure I want to have sex like that.

At least not the first time. Because there was something about the feeling of giving up control to him that, at some moments, felt…good?

But it went too far. I don’t want to have sex that scares me, that makes me cry. I just want…well, I suppose I want to be held. And comforted. Because losing your virginity is scary enough – I’m not sure chains need to be added to the equation.

I’m staring passively into the wardrobe, lost in my thoughts, when my eyes fall on it. I pull Ivan’s jacket from its place balled up in the back corner, where I’d tucked it maybe an hour ago. God, an hour, is that how it really took for my world to turn upside down like that?

I pull the jacket on, wanting its comfort and the memories of the parts of tonight that were so good. I tuck my nose against the jacket’s collar and take a deep sniff of Ivan’s warm and spicy scent. It’s strange, that two men who are so similar on paper can make me feel so completely different on the same night.