Demons From the Past novel Chapter 16

"I know. I was there. I saw the great void in your soul, and you saw mine." -Sebastian Faulks

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|Verena|

"So, things between you and Nate are all good now?" Skylar asked me curiously.

"I guess." I sighed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know." I admitted, "We're pretty much on good terms nowadays. We talk more than we used to but there's this awkward tension between us for some reason, I can't figure out why."

Skylar snorted, "It's called the denial stage, honey. You're both trying to deny your feelings for each other."

I could feel my cheeks heating up, "I don't have feelings for Nate." I tried to argue weakly.

Skylar gave me a cheeky smile, "That's great! Since you don't have any feelings for him, you wouldn't mind if I asked him out, right?"

My head snapped in her direction so fast that I thought I'd have whiplash, "You wouldn't dare!" I snapped angrily before I could stop myself.

Skylar raised her eyebrows at me pointedly, "See what I mean about the denial stage? Chill out girl, he's hot but not my type. Besides, I'm already in love with Aiden, remember?"

I scowled at her, "Okay so maybe I have feelings for Nate but it's not like he feels the same way or anything."

Skylar snorted, "You really are clueless Verena. It's kind of cute."

"I don't know. He's so closed off most of the time, it's hard to figure out what he's feeling." I confessed sulkily.

"I think you should invite him to the Winter-Gala as your date." Skylar suggested.

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at her suggestion. Honestly, I'd forgotten all about the formal dance our college had organized before the winter break. It was next week and I had no intention of going, dancing and dresses weren't really my thing. I chose to keep my mouth shut. I knew Skylar was really looking forward to the dance and she'd probably be pissed if I told her that I didn't want to go.

"How about this?" Skylar spoke again, "I'll ask Aiden to the dance if you ask Nate."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll think about it," I said finally, knowing that there was no winning an argument with her.

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing. I quickly picked it up, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the caller ID.

"Hi, Nate." I said breathlessly.

I saw Skylar's eyebrows shoot up in interest, her lips curved into a sly smile.

I just rolled my eyes at her.

"Hi." His deep voice answered casually from the other end.

"What's up?"

"Just calling to let you know that I'll be picking you up in an hour from Skylar's."

Skylar started making inappropriate gestures with her hands and narrowed my eyes at her.

"Hey, I was thinking I'd go to the store and get some snacks. Your mom lives in the town over so it'd probably take us three to four hours to get there in your truck and I can't stay that long without junk food. I'd probably get all cranky and go Godzilla on your arse otherwise." I said somewhat sheepishly.

The sound of his husky laugh on the other end of the line had me swooning, "Sounds good. I'll pick you up from the store then?"

"That would be perfect." I cleared my throat nervously before speaking again, "Um, Nate, are you sure your mom won't mind you bringing me?"

"Of course she won't." His voice was sincere. He chuckled again, "Just don't go Godzilla on her if you're hungry," he teased.

My face broke into a grin, "I'll try to control my inner Godzilla."

"Good. I'll see you later then?"

"You will."

"So, I should hang up now?" His voice sounded amused.

"You should." I responded.

"Okay, bye." He said slowly.

"Bye."

The line went silent.

We didn't speak but neither of us made a move to hang up either.

"Why aren't you hanging up?" I asked after a while, laughing quietly.

"Why aren't you hanging up?" I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh my God! Stop being cheesy." I said trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably.

He laughed again, "Bye Verena." With that he finally ended the call.

I just sat there dumbly smiling at the phone like an idiot. Skylar cleared her throat loudly to gain my attention.

"You know you guys sound like two middle-school kids in love." She said rolling her eyes.

"Shut up!" I retorted but my grin didn't falter.

Maybe I was turning into a love-sick adolescent.

"And what's this about you meeting his mom? I thought you guys were just going on a regular road-trip?" Skylar demanded.

I bit down on my lower lip, for some reason I felt really nervous about meeting Nate's mother. "He was going to see his mom and he asked me if I wanted to come with so I said yes," I added with a shrug.

"This sounds pretty serious Ver. A guy doesn't take a girl to meet his mother just like that. Nate must be pretty serious about you."

I sighed, "I'm afraid it's not that simple. Nate's life is really . . . complicated, the only reason he asked me to come with him is because he probably didn't want to go alone."

"He could've taken Marcus." Skylar pointed out.

"Marcus couldn't just abandon the gym and go out of town with him."

Skylar frowned. "You really are clueless Verena."

"Drop me off at the store, will you? I have to get the snacks, Nate's supposed to pick me up from there in less than an hour."

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I sauntered down the aisle of the grocery store, picking up things randomly.

I picked up my favorite jalapeno flavored bag of crisps only to put it back down.

I wonder what flavor Nate likes.

Why do I even care?

Okay, I'll just buy all the flavors.

Suddenly I felt a strong arm snake around my waist. "What a pleasant surprise." A raspy voice hissed in my ear.

My whole body went rigid in panic.

I recognized that voice.

Ethan Grant

"Let go of me!" I spat out, struggling to get out of his iron clad grip.

"And what if I don't want to?" He taunted.

"I'll scream." I warned, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

Ethan was huge and bulky, I knew I had nothing on him. I desperately scanned the aisle for someone who could help me but it was deserted.

No!

I was pretty sure my face was the color of a tomato by now. I cleared my throat noisily, "It's just that I've never seem you with anyone besides Marcus, that's all." I put in weakly.

"The last girlfriend I had was four years ago, when I was still in high-school." Nate said quietly.

"What happened?"

His grip on the steering wheel tightened a fraction, "She broke up with me after my father . . . died." His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

I could see the sadness in his eyes, it made her heart ache. "Well, I think she was stupid to ever let you go." I said softly.

Nate's lips tugged upwards into a small smile, it made my heart flutter.

"What about you, any boyfriends or crazy exes I should be worried about?" His tone was light but I could see the seriousness behind his expression.

I let out a breathy laugh, "I never really had a boyfriend, Trevor made sure of that." I smiled, but it was a sad smile, "He scared off any guy who seemed even remotely interested in me. I never really thought about dating after Trevor . . . was gone."

Nate didn't ask me any questions, he was trying so hard not to pry. His eyes were focused on the road but I could see the curiosity burning in them.

I might as well tell him. He already knows too much about me.

So much for not getting involved with anyone.

"Trevor was my brother, he died almost three years ago." I said softly, trying to fight back the waves of sadness that tried to consume me.

I waited for him to give the expected response;

'It will get better.'

'I'm sorry.'

God, I hated when people said they were sorry.

I hated it when I saw the pity on their eyes.

Didn't they realize that their actions and their words made me experience the pain all over again? Every 'sorry' every sympathizing look just reminded me of what I'd lost.

But I couldn't hide my surprise when I felt his large hand clasp around mine, giving it a small squeeze before returning back to the steering wheel. When he turned to meet my gaze, he didn't look at me like I was some sort of wounded animal, in fact, his expression was that of understanding.

He understood.

I could feel my heart beating erratically in my chest. I'd never felt this connected to a person before.

I found myself spilling out the words even before I could contemplate what I was doing,

"You know, mostly when I observe siblings I watch them argue and bicker. Trevor and I, we weren't like that, we never fought, maybe it was because he was seven years older than me. He was my best friend, my role model, he was everything I ever wanted to be. He taught me how to shoot." I turned to look at Nate with a small smile, "Do you remember when you broke into my apartment and found a bullet in my closet? Remember how desperate I'd been to get it back?" I asked.

Nate gave me a nod. I knew that he clearly remembered the look of desperation on my face when I'd demanded that he return bullet.

I chuckled softly, "Well, that was the first bullet I'd ever shot. I hit the target on my first try, it was like I was a born professional. Trevor had been so proud of me. It took him a while to find the bullet, but he did. He told me to keep it safe with me forever." I let out a small sigh, "When he died it was like my whole world just tilted from its axis, I didn't know how to live anymore. . . You think you know pain, but suddenly the universe decides to prove you wrong, you realize you know nothing about pain or agony. You can't possibly know what pain is until you feel like a part of your soul has been ripped away from you, you can't know agony until you've experienced your heart being shredded to pieces and then being sewn back together just to be torn apart again."

I hardly noticed the warm tears streaming down my face as I spoke, "I always thought it would get better, eventually. I've seen people lose their loved ones and I've seen them move on after time passes. Every night when I'd lay awake crying for my brother, feeling like every particle within me was breaking, I'd hope. I'd hope, that it would get better, that the pain would go away. But you know what? It's a lie, when people say it gets better, they're lying. It doesn't get better. The pain never goes away, you eventually just learn to live with the it. You realize that the world doesn't stop just because you've lost something, the world forces you to move on with it. And every day you have to put on a mask which hides the pain you really feel. You have to force yourself to live and every second you live, you mourn. You grieve for what you've lost and you grieve for the life you could've had if you hadn't lost it. That's what pain is." My voice was so choked up, I didn't even know if my words made any sense.

For a while Nate didn't respond.

Suddenly I felt the truck lurch to a stop, I glanced outside and realized that he'd parked on the side of the road. For the first time I noticed how ragged Nate's breathing had become, his shoulders heaving up and down heavily.

"Nate are you-" I started but before I could finish my sentence I felt myself being crushed into his hard chest, his arms clasped my waist so tightly that it was almost painful.

"Nate?" I breathed as I turned to look up at him.

The pain I saw swirling in his eyes made my breath hitch. He closed his eyes tightly before bringing his head to rest in the crook of my neck.

"I know Verena." He whispered, "I know exactly how you feel."

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