Demons From the Past novel Chapter 14

"I wanted to tell you all my secrets, but you became one of them instead."

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|Nate|

"Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Verena?" Marcus asked me, his voice cautious.

I gave him an annoyed scowl but didn't answer.

"So, what did you do this time?" He prodded.

"What makes you think I did something?" I snapped in irritation.

Marcus gave me a weary look, "The fact that Verena hasn't been here to train with you for over three days, I mean she'd practically started living here in our apartment. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the peace and quiet, I just can't deal with your sulking."

"I'm not sulking."

"Then why do you look like you have a chainsaw shoved up your arse?"

I just gave him a glare. I was this close to knocking his teeth out. What annoyed me the most was the fact that Marcus was right. I'd been completely miserable since Verena had left that day. I'd never felt this way before, I felt like someone was constantly plunging a knife through my chest.

I wanted to go to her and tell her how I felt but at the same time I wanted to stay as far away from her as possible. When she was around I felt like a different person. I wanted to be a different person around her. I was terrified of the things she made me feel. I'd bottled away my emotions for so long that I'd forgotten how to deal with them and now this girl had launched herself into my life, forcing me to open up, forcing me to feel.

"She was the one who couldn't keep her nose out of my business!" I said angrily.

"So what?" Marcus countered, "You're so deluded Nate, you fail to look at things beyond yourself. You don't let anyone in, you think you're sheltering others from yourself, doing them a favor by staying away, but really you're just too much of a coward to open up to anyone. The minute someone starts to break through the imaginary barriers you've built around yourself you freak out! You push everyone away." He paused to catch his breath, before I could say anything else to argue he spoke up again, "Verena cares about you, as messed up as that sounds Nate, the girl actually cares for you. I can see it in her eyes. That's the only reason she broke into your room that day, because that was the only way she could get to know you. You're just too blind to see it. Or maybe you just don't want to accept it?" He challenged.

He let out an exasperated sigh when I didn't respond, "No offense buddy, but you're a complete douche all the time. And suddenly this girl enters your life and you're laughing and cracking jokes, you're getting out of the apartment and going out without me forcing you to."

I kept my eyes trained on the ground, refusing to meet his gaze. After he failed to get a response from me he continued, "You know what the funny thing is Nate? You care for her too. You have feelings for Verena and you can't deny them, that's the reason you're so miserable right now. Not seeing her is driving you insane but your huge ego would rather make you suffer than permit you to go up to her and apologize."

"Maybe you should just stay out of my life Marcus, I never asked for your opinion!" I spat out.

"Maybe you should realize that people who care for you are worth more than you let them in on. She deserves to know you, the real you. Stop being a coward!" He snapped.

"What if she can't handle it? What if she runs away once she knows the real me?" I spoke quietly, finally saying what I'd been thinking.

"Why do you always expect the worst from people?" He asked.

I sighed softly before giving him a sad smile,

"Because that's all people ever give me, their worst."

He shook his head sadly, "That maybe so, but as far as I know Verena didn't run away when she read those articles, you were the one who dragged her out. She wanted to help you but you were the one who hurt her."

I winced a little when I recalled that incident, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get Verena's face out of my head, her pained expression when I'd said those hurtful things to her.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do Nate, you can make your own decisions. Just please make the right ones this time." With that being said he walked away, leaving me alone with my disordered thoughts.

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I let out a shaky breath as I stood in front of the daunting college building, I watched silently as the students streamed out. They all looked so carefree, so blithe.

I felt a jab of longing pierce through my heart. My life had once been that way, I had everything going for me until. . .

I shook my head rapidly, trying to rid myself of those dark thoughts. I was here for a reason, I needed to find Verena.

My eyes spotted a familiar figure walking obliviously towards me.

Skylar.

My eyebrows knit together in confusion when I didn't see Verena beside her. I approached her slowly, I could see her eyes widen in shock when she saw me

"Hey." I greeted her awkwardly.

After she'd recovered from her initial shock Skylar gave me a hostile look and started walking away from me.

"Look, I just want to know where Verena is." I said, swiftly stepping in front of her and blocking her way.

"Why do you care?" Skylar snapped angrily.

"I really need to speak to her." I answered, my voice pleading.

She gave me a pointed look, "She hasn't been coming to college since the past three days, if that's what you want to know. She doesn't leave her room no matter how much I try, she's a complete wreck. She wouldn't tell me anything but I have a feeling it has something to do with you, she's been this way ever since she came back from training with you that day, she wouldn't stop crying."

I winced at her words. "You're right it is my fault, that's why I need to see her. I know she's been staying with you since that incident with that man breaking into her apartment. If you'd just tell me where you live so I can go and talk to her. "

"What makes you think I'd help you?" Skylar demanded, "You need to stay away from my friend, if you care about her you'd stay away."

I shook my head sadly, "You're probably right. But the thing is, I can't stay away from her. No matter how hard I try I just can't." I exhaled softly, "Just please help me out here, I need to see her. Please Skylar."

She eyed me seriously for a while but finally her shoulders sagged in defeat. Maybe it was because she took pity on me or maybe she just wanted to get rid of me but the next thing I knew she was jotting down her address on a piece of paper and handing it to me.

"I'll be home in an hour, that's all you get, not a minute more." She stated firmly.

"What is he doing here?"Aiden's sharp voice broke in.He eyed me with clear hostility.

My face drew into a scowl, for some reason I couldn't stand Aiden. Something about the guy was off and I didn't like that he was so close to Verena. As much as I wanted stay here and punch him in the face a couple of times, I had much more important things to do right now.

"Nothing, he's just leaving." Skylar cut in quickly. I noticed that her voice wasn't nearly as hostile as before.

"Thank you." I said sincerely, giving the girl a nod as I turned to walk away.

"Also, I will break your face if you ever hurt her again." She said seriously, her eyes conveying her threat.

I gave Skylar a small smile before heading for my truck.

At least one of her friends has my approval.

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*Play the song now and continue reading*

|Verena|

I sniffed as I stared blankly at the television screen, I had absolutely no idea what I was watching.

Not that I cared.

My thoughts were ultimately consumed by the person who was responsible for my current state. Nate Cohen. I felt like I was going through a bad breakup, which was strange, considering the fact that Nate and I had never been together and I that had only known him for a few short weeks.

I hated feeling so miserable. I hated him for making me feel this way.

"Damn you Nate Cohen, damn you for being the way you are! I wish I never knew you!" I croaked out miserably.

I knew I shouldn't have invaded his privacy the way I did but I only did it because I cared about him. I shuddered as I recalled how menacing he'd looked when he'd caught me in his room.

'You've done nothing but cause problems for me! The minute you stepped into my life you turned everything upside down. Why can't you just leave me the hell alone?'

'God, I wish I never saved you that day. Should've just let that man kill you, my life would've been easier then.'

My eyes welled up with tears as I remembered his harsh words.

I'm never going to see him again, everything will go back to normal then.

I was angry at myself for being so pathetic, I was angry at Nate for treating me that way.

It was all my fault.

Why did I have to start having feelings for a man who clearly felt nothing for me?

I joined him on the couch and gently took hold of his fidgeting fingers, "You don't have to tell me anything. I understand that this is hard for you."

Nate turned to look at me, his amber eyes finally meeting mine, "No, I want to. I just don't know where to start." He admitted.

"How about the beginning?" I suggested.

He sighed before leaning back and closing his eyes. I once again found myself being spellbound by how handsome he was.

Slowly, Nate opened his eyes and his dark eyes focused on me once more, however, this time his expression was distant.

"My father was a good man, a police officer; one of the best. He was good to us, I knew he loved me and my mother. We were a fairly average family; not rich but not poor either. I was happy with how our life was; I did well in school, I had good friends. My father came home every night at seven and we'd have dinner together; just me, mom and dad."

Nate gulped and closed his eyes again, "But my father had a drinking problem, and alcohol didn't go well with his personality. Whenever he and his partners closed a case they would go out to the pub for a drink. It was like alcohol changed him, made him into another person. He'd come home and yell and scream, curse at mom, until he passed out. The next day when he'd wake up, he'd apologize, he'd be so upset. He'd say it wouldn't happen again, but the cycle never really ended. He never abused me or mom, even when he was drunk, physically at least. Until. . ." Nate paused, his breathing was ragged now. I knew that whatever he was telling me was causing him a great deal of pain. I squeezed his arm reassuringly. I knew that it was better for him to share his emotions, rather than keeping them pent up inside his mind like he'd done for so long.

Nate took a deep breath before speaking again, "I was eighteen, it was a rebellious age for me. I got involved with the wrong crowd; I never really did drugs although I'd been offered countless times. I don't know why, maybe it was to impress a girl or maybe I thought it looked cool, but I started smoking, before I knew it I was completely addicted to cigarettes. My dad despised it, he absolutely hated it when I smoked. He'd tell me not to but I never really listened. I was really hard-headed . . . still am." Nate paused and gave me a wry smile.

"One night he came home drunk, which wasn't anything new, I was watching TV in the living room. He saw the cigarette in my hand and that's when he got really angry. He started screaming, ordering me to get rid of it." Nate shuddered, I continued to rub his back soothingly. He closed his eyes tightly, like just recalling the memory caused him an excruciating amount of pain. His voice cracked when he spoke,

"I should have just listened to him, I should have just left. I'd do anything to take that night back. When he yelled at me the second time my anger got the best of me, I didn't even register doing it until I was in his face yelling back at him; telling him he was a hypocrite for asking me to quit smoking when he was an alcoholic himself. How messed up is that? What kind of an idiot starts arguing with a drunk man who's clearly isn't in his senses . . . an idiot like me I guess. When I started shouting back it was like something in him just snapped. I dodn't know how or when but somehow he ended up with my hockey bat in his hand. I was too shocked to react when he swung. I felt the bat strike my head and I went down. He didn't stop, he kept hitting me with the bat over and over again. I was bleeding. God, there was so much blood and pain. So much pain. I remember thinking that I was going to die. I faintly heard my mother screaming from behind us. I remember thinking what my father would say to my mother in the morning when the alcohol wore off; 'I'm sorry I killed our son while I was drunk? ' Funny, how at that time dying seemed like the worst possible outcome, considering I'd spend the next five years wishing that I was dead."

I gasped as a stab of pain pierced through my heart at his words.

I wish I could take away all of your pain.

A stray tear trickled down his cheek, my thumb brushed it away automatically. It took me a moment to realize that my own cheeks were wet with tears too. He turned to look at me and his fingers laced through mine as he continued;

"Just as I'd accepted the fact that I was going to die I heard a gunshot, and just like that my father's blows ceased. I saw his body slump to the ground. It was later that I found out that my mother had shot him, with his own gun. We were rushed to the hospital. When I finally regained consciousness I was told that my father hadn't made it. My mother shot my father to save me. I can't tell you how much I wish that I was the one who'd died in that hospital instead of my father. Everything changed after that day, although the incident had been ruled out as self-defense, my father was well loved in that town, everyone saw my mother as a criminal, and they treated her like one too. I'd hear her sobs every night, she stopped talking. She wouldn't even look at me, I only reminded her of what she'd done. I saw it in her eyes, the regret, she wished she hadn't saved me, that her husband was alive instead of me. She hated me for what I'd made her do. I couldn't stand torturing her like that, so I left the first chance I got. My grades were fairly good so I got accepted into college here." Nate paused to suck in a shuddering breath,

"Months passed and slowly things started to get better. College looked like the best decision I'd ever made; I did exceptionally well in my classes and joined the kick-boxing team. It was all going well, until one day I ran into someone, a guy from my old town. I don't even remember his name, just that he recognized me. I ignored most of the things he said, I started walking away from him but then I heard him yell; 'How was it like to have a drunk bastard as a father and a murderer for a mother?' I don't know, I just lost it then. I punched him, I knew the kid stood no chance against me but I kept hitting him. I-I kept punching him even when I felt him go unconscious, it was the lowest I've ever stooped in my life. The cops finally came in and stopped me; I was told that I'd put the guy in a coma. Fortunately, he regained consciousness a week later so I got arrested for assault rather than manslaughter, got expelled from college for it too.

I stayed in jail for three months. When I got out I was pretty much broke and homeless. Luckily I ran into Marcus, he had a job opening in his gym and he offered me a place to stay. The man literally saved my butt, I owe him a lot."

He sighed I saw the raw vulnerability in his eyes when his gaze met mine, "Now you know Verena, now you know all of me. I'll understand if you decide to stay away from me. You should stay away from me, I tend to destroy the people closest to me. I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I hurt you." Nate murmured.

I couldn't stop the sob from escaping my lips. I couldn't stand the thought of him going through so much pain alone. "I think you're perfect Nate. I know you're a good man" I said gently as I bought my hand up to touch his face.

"I'm a monster. I killed my father, I put that guy in a coma! How can you say that Goddamn it!" He demanded pulling away from me. Like he'd been expecting me to hate him or be disgusted with him when he told me everything.

But in reality it was quite the opposite.

My feelings for him had only intensified after hearing about his past. I respected him even more now.

He had experienced so much pain, and he had survived. He was the strongest person I'd ever known.

"Nate listen to me," I said firmly, "It's not your fault. Do you hear me? Sometimes things happen, terrible things, and we can't control them. You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened four years ago. Stop letting your past define you. I know it doesn't make it any less painful but your father's death wasn't your fault, it was an accident, a terrible misfortune but it wasn't your fault. Your mother did what any other mother would do to protect her child. The guy you beat up was a douche, maybe he didn't deserve to be put in a coma but you've already paid the price for that mistake!" I sighed and locked my determined eyes with his. The pain I saw in those dark orbs made my heart clench. I wished I could make all that pain disappear. I'd never wanted something so badly.

"Stop looking back Nate, stop thinking so lowly of yourself. You're the same man who saved my life. You're the same man who's helped me in every way possible, even when I treated you so badly. You're the same man who came all the way here just to say sorry to me, although I'm the one who should be apologizing to you for exploiting your trust and invading your privacy! So don't you dare call yourself a bad person, because you're far from it." I finished in a whisper.

His intense amber eyes were swirling with so much emotion. I couldn't help but be mesmerized.

God, he was beautiful.

"Thank you." He murmured.

My breath hitched.

Suddenly I felt his arms go around my waist, my head pressed against his chest as he pulled me to him.

I don't know how long I stayed in his arms.

But for the first time in my life, I felt content.

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