My mind tells myself not to trust him, but my heart screams for him as if the love button, which I switched off five years ago, suddenly turned on after seeing him.
Why? I was not too fond of this word the most in my life because this word might be simple, but when a person's life was stuck in a puzzle with this world with no answer, this word becomes the most painful word.
I wouldn't say I like this feeling; I hate myself for being so helpless in front of this man.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,'' I screamed.
I wanted to let out the feeling from my heart. Otherwise, I didn't know how long I could hold myself back from throwing myself in his arms.
Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door. "Madam, it's dinnertime, please, open the door. If you want, we can deliver your dinner inside the bedroom," a woman said from the other side of the door.
I felt a little irritated. I was not too fond of it if someone disturbed me when I tried to be alone. My mother also liked this stubbornness because I was still alive after five years. In these five years, I wanted to kill myself many times. Yet, I didn't know how, but she seemed to read my mind and always appeared when I tried to give up.
That's why God created a mother; no matter how much you hide from the world, you can never hide from your mother because a child with his/her has a unique connection.
That's how my mother is; she is my best friend. Even when I wrote my first love letter, she helped me; she even made a covert mission to meet Blaze.
Thinking these things, my heart became heavy once again. On one hand, there was my painful love and on the other side, my family.
She even went on hunger strike for one week when I agreed to marry Dylan; she always used to tell me, Blaze just left for a while, he would come back for me. In these five years, she never let me forget Blaze as if she knew Blaze would come back. She was so confident. Even though I believed her for three years, I slowly lost faith in that belief.
Once again, the maids started banging on the door, and I came back to my senses. I got irritated and went inside the bathroom, ignoring their non-stop requests.
I took a shower to sober up on these feelings.
I was a sluggish person. I somehow dried my hair because I didn't want to lose my hair or ruin my hair.
I jumped on the bed like a wrestler and dragged the blanket over my head, and tried to fall asleep, and soon sleep danced in my dream.
I was always like this: when my brain is fried with tension or feeling confused with many things, sleep is the only thing I feel best about at that moment.
Soon I lost all thoughts, and sleep took over my mind and body.
I didn't know when I suddenly felt something warm on my neck, and the feeling was too good the familiar scent; I turned toward the direction to get more of the emotion.
And the breathing fell on my face. Without thinking, I did something I never wanted to do in my conscious mind.
"Sir, should we serve dinner to you?" he said.
"It's okay, I will not eat right now. One thing, everyone, if Anna misses her meals, then cook nothing for me. I will eat when she eats and everything she eats,'' I said to them and walked out of the castle.
I called my men and told them to arrange a ladder for me. I climbed up with the ladder and entered our room through the window where Anna was sleeping.
I already knew she would lock the door from inside, so I climbed from the window, but I strictly ordered them to hide the ladder after I climbed up.
After all, this rabbit of mine was so cunning. She would try to run around and hurt herself after falling from this height.
As I entered the bedroom, I faced nothing other than darkness.
But I knew everything and taking the lead, I walked inside the bathroom and took a quick shower, just like washing my body. I went back to the bedroom.
I walked to the bed and climbed on the bed, making no sounds or movements.
I saw her sleeping, covering her face inside the blanket. I moved the blanket from her face, and her face was covered with sweat. This stubborn girl!
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