I collapsed against him, shaking, sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. My chest hitched, my throat burned, my whole body felt like it was being eaten alive from the inside. Damon’s tears fell into my hair, his arms crushing me against him like he was the only thing keeping me alive.
And I just kept whispering, broken, messy, desperate:
“I want to see him,” I screamed, my voice breaking so hard it felt like glass tearing through my throat. “Give him to me! Do you hear me?
Give me my baby!”
I was shaking all over, weak and broken, my body a wreck, but I didn’t care. “Bring him here! Bring my dead baby here! I don’t care if he’s not breathing, I don’t care if you think he’s gone, I want him in my arms!
He’s mine, Damon, mine! You don’t keep him from me, you don’t hide him from me!”
“Bring my baby here right now, Damon, or I’ll crawl off this bed and bleed across the floor to get him myself!”
My head dropped against Damon’s chest again, sobbing so hard my body convulsed, and I kept whispering through the wreck of my voice, “
Give me my baby… please, just give me my baby…”
And then the baby was brought.
The doctor’s hands shook as he carried that tiny, terrifyingly still body toward me, and my breath caught so hard I thought my heart would split in two. My arms were trembling, my whole body screaming in pain, but I held them out anyway because I didn’t care if I bled more, I didn’t care if I tore open again. I just needed him. I just needed my baby in my arms.
The second they laid him against me I sobbed so violently l almost choked. He was warm but too quiet, too still, and I pressed his tinybody against my chest-like I could fuse him into me, like I could force my heart to beat inside his.
“Hey,” I whispered through tears that poured and poured, soaking his little face. Why did you leave mummy, huh? Why?


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