Baby I'm A Sinner novel Chapter 68

I stare at myself in the mirror of Layla's bathroom the next morning. I'm officially 18, which means that I'm also officially a responsible, mature adult (in everyone's eyes), that's supposed to make life-altering decisions.

How stupid is this whole age rule anyway? One day before your birthday, you're not allowed to drink, vote, go in clubs or sex shops, but in 24 hours; bam! You are allowed to do whatever you want. Like your brain magically just evolves into something bigger, brighter. What a pile of crap.

As soon as I come out of the bathroom dressed for today's events (more visiting, lunch, etc.), I'm met by a smiling Eleanor and Layla who yell Happy Birthday at me and hug me.

I thank them although I hate the attention, and then go back to my room to get my phone. I fell asleep as soon as I got home last night, so I missed all the birthday messages and phone calls up until now.

I respond to all the messages and also send texts to the callers, since calling from another country is far more expensive than a text.

When I get out of the car in the school parking lot, people start coming to me one by one with birthday wishes, hugs, and kisses. Noah tells me happy birthday with a neutral expression and doesn't even bother to hug me like everyone else.

I try to pretend like I don't even care as he passes by me to get in the bus. He, who was so excited about my birthday, is now indifferent. And it hurts. He deliberately wants to hurt me on my birthday, so I'll do the same, by ignoring him completely for the rest of his life.

As it turns out, it's easier said that done. Because a few hours later once the sky is already dark, I find myself piled in a taxi between Layla and Eleanor, heading towards the nightclub.

I'm wearing a black and light pink dress, black pumps, a YSL knockoff clutch (because I would never spend more than 100 Euros on a fucking clutch), and sparrow earrings. Not to mention the fact that I'm wearing my Victoria's Secret underwear set.

I've tried ignoring and avoiding Noah the entire day, but I couldn't help but throw glances at him and Jesy, who were getting really friendly.

To say that I'm nervous for tonight is an understatement. Not because of Noah, but because everyone will (probably) be focused on me and singing me happy birthday at some point after we leave the club, and I know I won't like the attention.

There is a long line for the entrance of the club, but Aaron tells his name to the bouncer and they let all of us in after checking our ID's.

I glance over at Noah for a moment as we walk up the steps of the club, and take in how good he looks, even though I'd never admit it out loud.

He's wearing a white shirt, a leather jacket, black jeans, and his usual black Vans.

Damn him.

We find our reserved booths in the corner of the club and split up into three large groups before a waitress comes over to get our orders.

"To be honest, now that I'm legally able to drink I don't find it as entertaining." I tell Lucas, who's currently lighting up a cigarette.

"Doing illegal things is much more fun." He agrees and hands me a cigarette.

We order our drinks and chat for a few minutes until the giant tray comes, before we finally get on the dance floor.

I dance with Aaron, another guy from the exchange whose name I don't remember, and then with some of the girls when a really cheesy song comes on.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I ask Aaron when he comes back with my third drink. All the drinks I've had up until now were also cocktails, but I'm already starting to feel the familiar buzz in my belly that indicates I'm starting to get tipsy.

"No, I'm trying to get you to have fun on your birthday." He smiles and hands me the drink.

I shrug and accept it, before I walk off the dancefloor to drink it.

By the time I return, I've already downed a shot with Lucas, and another one with Jake, so I'm already on my way to drunkenness.

When Bailando comes on, I start to move my hips to the beat but accidentally bump into someone and almost fall on my face if it hadn't been for Noah gripping into my arm.

"I think you need some fresh air." He tells me, but I try to get rid of his grip.

"I think you need to let go of my arm."

"Dani."

"Noah." I mock him.

"Let's go outside before you throw up or hurt yourself."

"No thanks."

He sighs but pulls me after him until we reach a door that leads to the back of the club where the giant trash bins are.

I lean against the wall and exhale into the chilly air, before I bury my face into my palms.

"I'm dizzy." I tell him, and also myself.

"I'm sorry for making you feel like that. I hate to see you sad."

I bite my lips and then purse them, before I pull him into me so I can kiss him. As soon as I realize what I'm doing though, I pull away and rest our foreheads together. Then I laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asks confused, running his warm hands down my back.

"You're just saying these things so you can fuck me on my birthday." I slur at him.

His expression changes and he suddenly steps back. "No I don't. Honestly Dani, can you just believe that I actually care about you for once?"

"Well you can't believe that I care about you, so why should I?"

"Because it's different." He sighs. "I know that my feelings are genuine but I will never be able to know if yours are."

"Can't you just trust me when I say so?"

"It's hard for me to do that."

I exhale. "I don't know what else to do Noah, okay? It's not fair for me to just love you when you don't feel the same and just put up with it. But I can't help it okay? I want you to be fucking happy and now I'm talking really fast because I'm so fucking drunk but I won't ever say this when I'm sober because I know you'll never...fucking." I stop to catch my breath and I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"Wait you love me?" he asks. "What?"

"What?"

"You said that you love me."

"So?" I smile, but barely.

"So you can't just say it because you're drunk."

"But I'm not saying it just because I'm drunk. I've been feeling it for a while now...but I can only find the courage to say it out loud when I know I'll forget about it in the morning. Because I know you don't feel the same, but hearing you confirm it will break me."