Accidental Surrogate for Alpha novel Chapter 252

3rd Person

Isabel spent most of Ella and Sinclair’s mating ceremony distracted.

The problem wasn’t that she didn’t feel overjoyed for her new friends, it was simply that her own mind was focused elsewhere. And though that focus wasn’t very far away at all – it was complete. Indeed, Isabels’s full attention was locked on James, who sat behind the Vanaran delegations with Sadie bouncing in his lap. The pilot’s dark hair was slicked back and his strong jaw was clean shaven for once. He filled out his velvet-lined dinner jacket so completely that Isabel worried the seams might burst, and it didn’t help that she could smell him as clearly as if he stood beside her, like oakmoss, amber and sea salt... And something else that was solely James.

As the besotted couple exchanged their vows, Isabel’s gaze shifted between James and her adopted daughter, overflowing with unspoken emotion. She was filled with the most tortuous longing to go and be with them, and her wolf was whimpering like a pup in her mind.

It isn’t fair! The frustrated canine lashed out, unable to hold her fury back as Sinclair drove his fangs into the curve of Ella’s throat, eliciting a plaintive cry from the Luna – one which had the huge Alpha growling with sympathy and desire in equal measure. Jealousy surged through Isabel’s veins as she watched the honored couple fighting their instincts to join together there and now, wearing drunken expressions and emitting feral energy as they grappled for control.

I want Jame’s mark. Her wolf demanded for the hundredth time, riled into renewed complaint by the intimate ceremony. Why won’t you let me have it!

It’s too soon. Isabel insisted, trying to let the canine feel the logic of her decision, rather than the agonizing craving assailing her senses. At the same time, another – smaller – voice murmured somewhere in the distance. Why? How long will be enough? How long do you have to stay unhappy?

“Are you okay?” Cora whispered, misreading the other woman’s pained expression as she leaned close to whisper in her ear. “Is this bringing back difficult memories?”

At once Isabel understood that the concerned human expected her to be focused on the past, on her own mating ceremony and bond with her late husband. The she-wolf managed to shake her head and drag her attention back to Ella and Sinclair, but the exchange was nothing short of jarring. Her mate had been gone for little more than a year, and their daughter’s death had been an even more recent blow. Surely she should be thinking of her true family right now… the one she lost, not the one she was building.

Her confusion, guilt and jealousy threatened to drag her down, so Isabel gave herself a silent shake and forced away the unwelcome thoughts. It was all she could do not to let her gaze return to James and Sadie until the ceremony was over and the crowds began shifting inside for the feast. Now James approached with a wide smile, the precious bundle in his strong arms reaching for Isabel the moment she came with reach.

“You look incredible.” James’s words warmed Isabel from the inside out which, combined with the sudden endorphin high of cuddling her little girl, forced an unwilling smile onto the she-wolf's face.

“You don’t have to say that.” She flushed, shyly lowering her gaze to the ground.

“Oh yes I do.” James replied fiercely, pulling her chin up between his thumb and forefinger. “I don’t believe in lies or withholding the truth – especially not when it’s staring everyone in the face. So if I say you look incredible, it’s because you look so damned good it would be a crime not to tell you.”

Isabel nodded shakily, still keeping her gaze averted and thankful she could use Sadie as an excuse for her cowardice. My darling scapegoat. She thought, tickling the infant’s tummy and earning a wide grin in reply.

Our pup is not a scapegoat. Her wolf objected hotly, wagging her fluffy tale with utter adoration as she studied the sweet child. She’s an angel. The canine made a particular effort to make sure Sadie could feel the waves of love through their bond, and her mother’s stress or flightiness.

The soldier considered her for a long moment, noting the way the she-wolf squirmed anxiously against him, both with pent up emotion and physical need. “Alright.” He agreed, leading her out of the ballroom. “The nursery?”

Isabel glanced down at Sadie, recalling the first time she ever had to leave Sophie with a baby sitter, and wondering if it would be more or less painful now. “To drop off Sophie.” Isabel gulped, hiding her face in the shadows of the corridor. “Then let’s go to your rooms.”

James slowed to a stop in the middle of the hallway. “Isabel?”

She turned back, a look of wild uncertainty on her features. “Please?” She inquired, her voice husky. “I’ve been denying my wolf for so long and you’ve been so wonderful. I don’t know why I keep pushing you away…” Isabel trailed off with a helpless shrug. “I mean I do… we both do… but I don’t want to punish myself anymore.” She confessed, her voice diminishing to little more than a squeak as tears filled her eyes. “I figure it’s like Ella says, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it just means freeing yourself from becoming its prisoner.”

James nods, pursing his lips and nodding. “She’s a clever wolf.” He sidled forward, reaching out to cradle Sadie’s downy head in his huge palm, before catching Isabel’s nape in his other. “But I’m afraid I don’t understand.” There was a devious glint in his lethal eyes, one which told Isabel he was toying with her now – a predator who simply couldn’t resist playing with his dinner. “What exactly are you asking me, Isabel?”

“I’ve been standing here all night, seething with jealous for Ella and Dominic because they’re so happy and in love.” Isabel admitted, shamefaced. “After all their kindness to me, I still get so angry that they get to enjoy what I lost.” James clucked tenderly, shifting closer. “And then I feel horrible and guilty and it’s just a vicious cycle… then tonight I realized that the only person demanding that I be miserable… is me…” She shared, tears slipping down her cheeks in neat lines. “No one else is telling me I have to suffer, that I deserve to be alone. People have said it to me before but I don’t think I was ready to listen before. I think I needed to get to this place on my own.”

“I don’t want to be unhappy anymore, James.” Isabel murmured, sniffling as the big wolf did his very best to just listen, rather than trying to offer comfort or fix this. “I don’t want to be alone… and I couldn’t admit that until you came along. You made it… very difficult to continue lying to myself.” She blinked, gnawing nervously on the inside of her cheek. “I’m in love with you, for more reasons than I can count.” She concluded with a small shrug, tangling her fingers into the fabric of his shirt to steady herself. “I want you to claim me, James.”