A Gift from the Goddess novel Chapter 153

“You know me?” I asked, surprised.

She’d somehow known my name and implied we’d met already once before. Had we been childhood friends maybe? But that would have been back when I was five years old, her maybe even younger than me. That would be such a long time ago to recall.

Despite this though… I had a nagging in my head as if I’d heard her name recently. Somewhere I couldn’t quite place… At Ashwood perhaps? No… that didn’t seem right.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to think on it for long though.

At my question, Clarissa instantly looked even less enthused, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“…What kind of dumb question is that?” she replied curtly.

“Clarissa!” Myra snapped. “Where are your manners? Apologise. Right now.”

“But, Myra…,” she whined. “It’s not—.”

However, Clarissa wasn’t able to finish her sentence, another coughing fit wracking through her chest.

“…Stupid girl,” Myra sighed, walking over to her bedside.

She wrapped the tiny girl back in her blanket and forced her to lie down once more.

“Rest… you can talk later when you’re feeling stronger,” Myra said. “You won’t do yourself any favours by pushing yourself.”

“But I’m not feeling that b—.”

Assumedly, the new fit of coughing contradicted whatever she was about to say.

“Rest,” Myra ordered.

And all I could hear was mumbling complaints from the bedsheets as I was ushered back outside the room.

“Sorry about her. She can be a bit… blunt sometimes. Thinks she always knows better than everyone else.”

“It’s fine. No offence taken,” I said, waving off the apology. “I am curious though… would it be okay to tell me what’s wrong with her?”

Myra’s face then grew serious, her eyes casting down.

“I wish I knew…,” she said slowly. “She’s been prone to sickness ever since I found her. Over the years it got progressively worse, though it was still manageable. But then, one day, it was as if she suddenly couldn’t get out of bed at all anymore. Like a switch overnight. She was still mostly okay one day… and then the next she became what you see now. The poor thing….”

Since Myra found her…? So, that meant….

“You couldn’t keep looking for me all those years ago… because you had to take care of Clarissa,” I stated, putting the pieces together.

Myra became quiet and, after a moment had passed, reluctantly nodded her head.

“…You had to choose between us.”

“I couldn’t drag a four year old around, especially whilst we were being hunted,” she explained. “And Clarissa isn’t like you… her appearance wouldn’t pass as normal as I knew yours would be able to. Then adding into the mix that she was sick as well….? It meant I would be endangering her life for the small chance that I would be able to find you. A chance that felt slimmer than finding a needle in a haystack.”

“…Clarissa needed you more.”

I didn’t say it with a tone of understanding, more so like it was an irrefutable fact.

“I’m all she has. Everyone else from her family has died,” she said quietly. “I might not be related to her by blood but… every time I look at her… it’s like I can see my best friend still alive. I couldn’t just abandon her.”

Myra was all I’d had as well, my only blood family remaining. Didn’t that count for something?

I felt as tears began to sting at my eyes over hearing this, listening to how I’d had to suffer growing up because Clarissa was made a priority. Did I resent her for that? I wasn’t sure. If I did, then I knew it was incredibly selfish of me to think so. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, least of all Clarissa’s.

“…But I know now that I made the right choice,” she continued, looking back towards me. “It’s a relief to finally see that.”

I frowned. She was happy that she chose her over me?

“What…?”

Myra moved closer and touched under my chin, lifting my face up.

“You clearly grew up to be so smart… so beautiful,” she said. “I can feel an aura of strength surrounding you, something that tells me you were more than capable of looking after yourself. It’s obvious that you didn’t need me, Rheyna.”

I bit back at the tears threatening to fall, holding my face firm.

Because I’d never intended to become strong. I’d had to in order to survive. Every single day was another trial, another test… another assignment. Failure was considered worse than death.

And not just that, but being poisoned… to have no control over my wolf. To not understand my ability, nor myself. To be unworthy of my mate. My life was a mess… *I* was a mess. A danger to anyone who got too close.

“…I’m far from perfect, Myra,” I said honestly, trying to keep my voice steady. “I wouldn’t praise me for anything. My upbringing was incredibly challenging, one where I had to do terrible things… a basis for many of the issues I’m still battling to this day. I have almost no control over any of it.”

“Well… I might not be able to fix what is already done…,” she said, looking as if she was about to cry herself. “But I can perhaps help you with what I can. Like for example, your ability… It’s important that you learn how to keep that in check. Firing it off without realising can be dangerous, especially when you’re quite gifted with it as you seem to be.”

…Yes, that was just one problem of many plaguing me.

However, part of me wanted to argue back, to point out that things couldn’t be fixed that easily by just helping one thing. But I knew this would be a very petty reaction, one stemming purely out of my exhaustion and from the emotionally charged atmosphere of the situation.

No, just as she had said, she couldn’t fix the things already done. There was no point blaming her for everything that had gone wrong in my life.

…And so, I just sighed, forcing myself to relax.

“…I’d appreciate that,” I said quietly.

Just one problem that was able to be helped… yet what felt like a million others still waiting for me.

“You should rest,” Myra said, clearly picking up on just how tired I was. “I imagine your trip here was probably not easy.”

“That would be an understatement,” I replied.

She nodded in understanding. “I’ll prepare you a room. Tomorrow, I can help you with your ability and answer any more questions you might have.”

And that was the last thing we discussed that day.

Before long, I found myself in a strange room, staring up at the ceiling as I waited for sleep to take me.

There had been so much information thrown at me, most of which was hard to digest. A lot of revelations and discoveries that I couldn’t make up even if I tried. A part of me still wasn’t sure if this was even real.

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. “No… you’re fine. I must have fallen asleep whilst reading. I find books help get my mind off of things.”

An escape. I could definitely relate to that right now. Only, her idea sounded far healthier.

“Anything good?” I asked, sitting down next to her.

But she gave me a small smile and shook her head. “Just a dumb fantasy novel. It’s my favourite though. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it.”

I could see that. The book looked like it was barely holding together, possessing several makeshift repairs with duct tape. I guess she really didn’t want it to fall apart.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, bringing my attention back.

“I slept a little,” I admitted. “Just… there is a lot on my mind.”

And she nodded. “It can be an adjustment at first. When you’re not used to it, the information can make you feel like you’re drowning.”

Yes… That was accurate.

“I was unranked before… all of this,” she continued, filling the silence. “No one even looked my way most of the time. I went from what felt like the very bottom of the pack, barely knowing anything… to being one of the core people involved in its management, a keeper of our kind’s oldest forgotten secrets. It was a hard learning curve, particularly when I thought the biggest highlight of my life would just be settling down with a mate one day.”

“…Did you ever get that wish?” I asked curiously.

“Yes… and much more,” she said. “My Cai gave me a life beyond anything I could have hoped for. He was one of the first people to make me feel like I mattered, that I could be more than… just the girl who worked at their parent’s orphanage. My happiest days were back when we were all together at high school. Just Cai, Aria and myself. Back when things were a lot more… simpler. For me, at least.”

“...Does it still hurt? Being away from him, even after all this time?”

“Always,” she answered. “A mate will give you the highest of highs… but their absence will bring you to your worst. When they die, it really is as if a piece of yourself goes with them. Like an aching in your soul… a void you cannot fill.”

…Did that mean I had to feel this way forever? Right now, it was just a constant longing to return to them, but the way Myra explained it, it sounded as if it would only get worse as time went on.

“Don’t ever let them go,” she said, a hollowness in her voice. “Hold onto that feeling they bring you, cherish it for as long as you can. One day it will be gone whether you want it or not.”

“And… what if they belong to another pack?” I asked hesitantly. “What if… what if their family is the enemy?”

Her face turned towards me slowly, holding an expression that reflected the pain in her tone. “A destined mate is selected at the time of one’s conception, it cannot ever be changed. They are your other half, the person chosen to balance and improve you. If you’re not open to that possibility, that is entirely your decision. Your decision, and no one else’s. This is regardless of prior history.”

I turned my eyes towards the ground, staring at a rug intensely.

It sounded as if she were telling me to find him. That being with him wasn’t entirely impossible. But could I really…?

“Be warned though, Rheyna,” she then added. “Just because a deity chose them for you, it doesn’t always make it correct. In my experience and from what I’ve been told, Goddesses are no more perfect than mortals. Merely people with a higher power who are still very much fallible in their actions. A destined mate is still a choice… but just a choice by Selene.”

“I’m not sure I’m following,” I said.

But as she then turned to look out the window, a slight frown forming between her brows, she simply continued to speak as if in a daze.

“Regardless of how far away it is, the moon still controls the tide…,” she mumbled, almost as if speaking to herself now. “You might like to think it cannot touch you… but it could nevertheless cause you to drown.”

I wasn’t sure I knew exactly what she meant by that, but I didn’t press the topic anymore for that evening. It seemed that perhaps some things were best left unsaid for now, there always being tomorrow.

...And I had a strange feeling that the day was going to mark a new beginning in my life.